AN INTERESTING QUESTION

How do you feel about being a slave?

This question was asked by K, a dom from Southampton who I had the most wonderful conversations with in the last week (on a date with him next week, everybody cross fingers please!).

I found it difficult to answer. Mainly I think because there seems to be a variety of understandings about the term. And so, I had to first explain and figure out what I thought Frans meant with it when he called me “slavin”, a word I find more beautiful than anything else still.

And so I came to the conclusion that it meant hard work, a slave works. Everything had to be done for him, I would have had to follow him round everywhere he went and then do whatever he wanted. From things like making the coffee or taking something out of the cupboard, to wiping his cock after weeing.
Also, I think a slave offers a deeper form of submissiveness, and gives up certain rights. For example the right to clothing, orgasms, …
Very important to Frans was also no longer being allowed to use a stopword during physical play.
He wanted an all-round complete surrender (apart from my responsibilities towards my child).

And I had no problem with it. I loved it and it had set me free in a way. It felt liberating to be allowed to be his slavin. It was difficult at times though. Because he tolerated no mistakes, and was very harsh in his punishments.

Still, I didn’t really live it. He was after all not here. And altough I did everything he said, felt extremely submissive towards him, and certainly developed certain areas of my personality it was not 100% real. And so the big question is if I would have been happy in true slavery. And that I don’t know of course.

I do know however, that I do not want to become an object, loose my identity or femininity. Which is perhaps what some people would understand as being part of slavery.

Despite some good prospects, lots of distraction, lots of work, birthday coming up, etc... still struggling with the idea of Frans. I hate to admit it, especially to friends, because they know me as a happy, optimistic, can-take-it-all-and-move-on-quickly type, and I don’t want to bore them so don’t talk about it. But there is still not a day that goes past without thinking of him. And still not with a smile on my face for the good he has brought to my life. I am actually kind of bitter almost about him. I keep wondering why he had to come into my life, with what purpose. And why the hell it hurts so much for so long.

Closing today with a quote from Diogenes of Synope:
“The art of being a slave is to rule one's master.”