THE DREAM

Before I start my writing of today, I need to thank. I don’t know how to get across my true heartfelt thanks to all the people who commented, emailed, texted and called me after reading my last blog. The responses were incredibly nice, got tons of really good advice, lots of words of encouragement,… THANK YOU!!!

I also had a comment about the length of my posts. Really sorry… it will be a long one again. However I really will make an effort to write more frequently and keep the babbling a bit shorter. Make sure you understand “I will make an effort”, and not take it as a promise lol.

I ended my last blog with the words : “Tomorrow though, everything can be completely different….”, and so it was indeed. My mood and spirit got lifted by my Master. He was back, being able to give me lots of attention, answering my every question patiently, commenting on my thoughts and moves and putting me in the right direction, being all I could ever dream of. He really is special, very different, incredibly intelligent, so beautifully dominant with every fibre of his body, very good at handling me, … (oh, and drop dead gorgeous too!). It really is amazing the things he has achieved with me, in such a short time, and all from a distance. It is truly frightening in a way, wonder what he is capable of when he would be right by my side.

Of course (before you all start commenting lol!) I have to be realistic, the future is unsure for this kind of unconventional relationship in more than one way, etc etc. But please, let me enjoy this feeling of devotion and admiration. It is all I ever wanted to do and be. It is very rare to find such an exceptional person who can handle these deep feelings, is not afraid of them and above all knows how to use them to make me a better person with it. And yes, I really do hope and even pray for a good outcome. But mostly, I live in my 24 hours. And today He is my Master. And I am elated, but mostly grateful.

Before I tell some more about my past week, I suddenly realised I have to make some corrections. Something I wrote about Valentine’s day. Sorry, I was in a bad mood, and it made me blind to all the good things happening (oh, I should really never let that happen!). In the morning, when I checked my hotmail I noticed I got a “kinkycard” from one of my dom-friends. I had to wait all day, cause I didn’t dare open it at work, and it was beautiful. Thanks MJ.
Then my friend/colleague V had given me a very nice little surprise. There are only two dateable single woman in our office, and neither of us had a date that evening. I didn’t mind at all, but had been jokingly complaining about it for a whole week already. But my other single colleague, didn’t take it so well, and she actually seemed a bit down about it. So my friend V and myself had gone out, bought her favourite cakes and a red rose and put it on her desk. I also talked to her about how joyful it can be to have no date, and very often this is better than a date, certainly seeing her history of choice of men. As for myself, I just kept thinking about last year’s Valentine and was more than relieved again to be on my own. Brrr…. horror just thinking about it. You know, when you have sex lying back, your head turned the other way cause you’re crying and wishing you weren’t there…
Anyway, back to the nice things this year. Near the end of the day, I went out to post some letters for the office, and by the time I came back my colleague V had gone out and bought me a red rose as well. I am so blessed with my friends.

I also tried to be nice to another friend, although in a bit more cheeky way perhaps, by sending an anonymous Valentine’s card. Unfortunately apparantly I had left my signature on it ever so clearly, by forgetting to take the price off. He knew immediately that could only have been me! Hmmm, yes, I remember being described as scatty. But, thinking about the conversation we had about this fabulous failure of mine, I would like to ask the receiver of the card to read it again (if you still have it of course). There was nothing devious about it or meant with it. I searched very long to find something just right, and wanted to be nice.

Hopping onto the topic of films quickly. I had a comment about it, seemed to have forgotten one in my list of favourites. The Descent certainly had me on the edge of my seat (how could it not!!), but that was not just the film getting me there… As I remember you have had me on the edge of my seat quite often as well, although I always preferred to be on my knees.
I have forgotten lots of films in my list. When I made the list, I just looked at my bookshelf next to me where my dvd’s are, and picked out the ones I like best. But there are many films I don’t have, and should be in that list. So, I will be updating my list shortly, and you’ll find all the films in it where Richard Gere takes his kit off, or Harvey Keitel gets his dick out,… Oh, and any film that keeps my little one entertained for an hour and a half, also gets the thumbs up.

Last week I had the strangest dream. I’ve been dying to write about this, want to see if it looks as strange written down as in my mind. The dream was about my first Master. We were in his house, but it is not the house he lives in now, cause I didn’t know where all the rooms were and felt a bit akward about it. We didn’t have a session or anything, just sitting together chatting. But it was expected that I stayed over. That is the first strange thing, cause I never stayed over, and I cannot imagine that he would ever demand this. Then suddenly I was wearing one of my nighties, of which I would like to deny the existence off. A purple teddy bear comfy thingy, totally a-sexy and wouldn’t like to be caught dead in it. He told me to go to bed, which was a bit difficult cause I didn’t know where the bedroom was. He then showed me and next I know I was lying on my side facing him. This is the second strange thing, I really can’t imagine sharing a bed with a man anymore (apart from my Master, but that is a completely different story again), and is not one of the things I want to do. I had taken off my (horrible) nighty, and he stroked my arm. I froze a little, and braced myself for pain, not quite knowing what to expect though. He then kissed me on my mouth and in my neck, still stroking my arm. I asked what he was doing, and I got a question in return, asking me if I liked it. I found it difficult, but was truthful in saying that I did indeed like the soft touch, but it confused me. He then told me that I didn’t have to worry, that this was his way of having sex. And we did.
When I woke up, I felt totally weird. I don’t long for sweet lovemaking, gentle tender sex, and I certainly don’t want to think of my first Master in a vanilla way. The dream has confused the hell out of me for days.
I’ve had more dreams of my first Master, and in a way they all made sense. Maybe not at the time, but afterwards most certainly. Wonder what this will be.

A quick update on the plug… still not in! I showed the plug to my dom on Thursday (let’s call him J), and he called it “ambitious”. Several people told me to get a smaller plug to get used to that one first, and I will follow that advice. But for now I have to continue with the one I have. I need to buy another tyre for the car first this month.

I still have been very tired and not feeling very well physically this week. I even stayed home one day. I did use that day to catch up on some rest, but also pottered around the house a little, trying to sort out my mess. I don’t know how I manage, but it is quite amazing what a state I can get my house (or for that matter my car, my desk…) in. It must be a special talent. Only, my Master doesn’t allow it, so I try my very hardest to keep things on a reasonable level of tidyness. But I was slipping, so needed to take a bit more time. I still need to do some catching up, but I start to feel physically a bit better now so looking forward to get everything done soon. And then I can sit down and read a book… Mmm, sooo looking forward to that.

Something really great happened this week. I had a fantastic playdate. I am still smiling about it! The dom (J) is somebody I’ve known for quite a long time already. We never got to play properly though in the past, partly cause of restrictions caused by rules set by my Master then, but mainly because of my emotional state of mind. J has been great with me though, and has given me lots of strength and pulled me through some bad times. He explained things to me, cause I didn’t understand myself anymore and was so new to all the feelings that went through me at the time. More than that, he is great to be with, intelligent and fun. We’ve been out of touch for a while, but then suddenly J emailed me. It must have been telepathy, as I had been thinking about him for a few weeks already. It was so nice to hear from him again, and I gladly accepted his offer for some play. And it was fantastic. Very different for sure, but it left me feeling real good afterwards. I didn’t feel all messed up the next day, and I could enjoy the soreness and aching muscles.

Ever since then I had nothing but good days! People were nice, sun has been shining,…

Gonna finish this post with something I just read on an email, that touched me. “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."