IT’S ALL SO LOGICAL, SO MAGICAL…

I failed to submit last night. And I don’t seem to mind. What strange experiences I have these days…

After months of initially meeting this couple, I finally set a play date with them. Of course after clearing it with my Master. But that was exactly it, I cleared it with him. There was nothing more to it. I didn’t go because he told me, or even suggested it. He didn’t prepare me, or got involved in any other way. He just let me do it. When I spoke to him, making the request for this playdate, I even heard some reluctance in His voice. Although that could have been wishful thinking of course.

Some people might look strangely at me, or some even crease up laughing, when I tell that I have a deep desire to be faithful. But there are a few, who would nod when they see this. My first Master for example, got pestered with long letters from me, in which I explained this part of me. My second Master too had to answer questions from me, as to why he didn’t allow me to save myself for him, and be faithful. But he went even futher and managed to get me to actually enjoy myself with others. I suppose I had given in to the idea that this was my only choice. Especially since it was almost my only source for orgasms too. So but now, overwhelmed with feelings of love and yearning for my far-away Master, the desire to keep my body for His use only is immensly overpowering.

It made last evening stand out from all other play I had before.
When I arrived (late, as usual…), I was immediately told to stand against the wall, my nose touching the wall keeping my arms to the side. He took my handbag off me and let his hands go through my hair, down my neck onto my shoulders. Very firmly he felt up my whole body, as if I was he was searching me. Already, right then, I felt wrong. All I could think of was how much I wanted to feel the hands of my Master doing this, and in a reaction to this thought I felt horrible for it being somebody else letting enjoy me. When I got dragged upstairs, where I got undressed and hurt in his bedroom, I felt even worse. The pain was terrible, I could not enjoy any of it, and felt like crying.
After some time, I asked them to stop and sat up. I told them I was very sorry but that I had second thoughts and didn’t want to continue. The woman held me and asked me why. I couldn’t help it and burst out in tears. Real floods. I told her that she might think I was being silly, but that I really truly like my new Master, and that I felt wrong being with them. She hugged me and told me that it was certainly not silly, but very beautiful. I explained to her that the relationship I have now, feels different. That suddenly I don’t have to go out and play. The man gave his opinion this time, by telling me that my previous Master probably liked doing this for the stories he would get out of it, and that I should feel really good about the fact that I now have somebody who really seems to care for me. The woman hugged me some more, and I apologised profusely for stopping the play. But they didn’t even want to hear it. I stayed for a drink, but then rushed home, cause I needed to talk to my Master. I needed his voice, for that bit of comfort and settling down all the crazy emotions I had rushing through me again.

Thankfully he was home, and I could call him. And even more, he was very calm about it, and he settled me indeed. It was really simple, although impossible at the same time. All I needed was to be quiet in his arms. And I was, although not really physically, we got as close as we possible could to it.

When I woke up this morning, and I opened my eyes, I was surprised not to see him lying next to me. It had felt so real…