MORE IMPORTANT

I’ve been struggling lately. Life had become less than pleasurable. Overwhelmed with stress, fear, anxiety, sadness, and more than once downright despair.

But I am fighting, with all my might. And fighting I have to keep doing, as the bad luck keeps on coming back to hit me in the face. Although now, with every hit I get, I do feel getting stronger. Very much like getting physical blows. And one day this will be over, a new phase in my life will start. And how will I glow !!

However, no matter how strong I would like to be, it is still hard and at times I just don’t feel like participating in life. So when I am not being sociable, stay offline for days or sometimes even weeks, not answer my phone or texts, please forgive me.

To write about it all is not something I feel like doing. Not because it is too hard or something, but because this blog was originally meant as some story-telling about becoming a good slave. Now I am not a slave, and have to forget that ambition. So the blog will go in a completely different direction –ah, this is life of course !. But I would still like to make it predominantly about BDSM and its role in my life. I certainly do not want to make it a rant about difficult court cases, nasty exes and money-raking no-good solicitors. Not to mention unruly children and uncooperating schools or even worse the tootache-saga! (so, got that off my chest then…)

Today my unhappiness got put in perspective again. A while ago, I asked everybody to burn a candle for the little boy of my colleague, who seemed to be in some sort of coma. That coma, as I now understand it, was induced by medication, after the little boy suffered a heart attack. The consequences from this event is that the boy’s brain got damaged and is now still, nearly a year after it happened, under 24 hour care, cannot walk or talk. But he has now recently started to brighten the days of his parents with an occasional smile.
Read the full story, written by my colleage –the little boy’s dad.

Jack's Story

And so lately, with all the struggling and fighting, there is lots of provocation to start thinking about what is really important. And if you read Jack’s story, just about anything fades away in comparison. Nevertheless, last week I discovered the importance of my relationship with A, when he helped me talk, let me cry my heart out and then stroked my hair and face patiently till I fell asleep.

I miss him.