IT’S THE SEASON

It seems like they’re crawling from under the woodworks… Doms everywhere! OK, a wet dream for many subs… but imagine it for real! Hard work, girls.

My boss compared it with finding a job. You can be without one for a long time, and then when you start settling into your new position somewhere, many other offers follow. Same thing with men. Only when they are Doms, it means also hard work. After all, you don’t want to disappoint them!

It is a bit funny. It has been a bit more than a year ago now that I discovered how wonderful it is to finally admit to the submissive inside me. So much has changed though. I am sure that every Dom I know, met or had contact with in the last year would testify to it. And just about every Dom I have met or had contact with has re-appeared in one way or another.

If I could do my year again, would I still do the same? Would the Masters I had chosen once, be my picking now?

Before I had a first real Master, I had a good friend. A switch. He has re-appeared too. But then disappeared again very quickly, cause I didn’t follow his order. He was always a bit stroppy and impatient. But mostly jealous. He was also very sweet and really cared for me, and in a way it is a shame I cannot establish a proper friendship with him. And so when he ordered me back in June to delete and block my previous Master from my messenger and I didn’t do it, he told me that he would not speak to me the next 6 months or so. So I am expecting him back soon now, and no doubt he will be furious to not only know I still haven’t blocked F, but actually made friends with him now. I wonder how long his next sulking period will be then. Would I still start of with him again, if I would have to start over? Yes, certainly. He has been a massive support in many ways, and sure warmed me up very nicely for all sorts of possibilities within BDSM. Our relationship never went further than online contact, and that too I would keep. Because of his outrageous jealousy I don’t trust him, and wouldn’t like to be bound and helpless in his presence.

He led me to my first Master though. The relationship with him never developed in any direction I would have wanted, but the amount of stuff I learned and experienced is tremendous. Also the knowledge and sensitivity to what my limits were absolutely incredible. It took a long time for me to accept and understand that S&M is something that can be enjoyed outside a relationship, and I got quite stuck to him. Afterwards I realise that I had mainly fallen in love with the lifestyle, and that R at that time just represented all that for me. After a few months we started seeing each other socially and I am really glad to say that we have a very nice friendship. We see each other very regularly (although it has been ages ago now, but still very often in touch) and always have a great time. I certainly think R can see the difference in me between how he first met me and how I am now. I will ask him next week. And yes, for the wealth of experience I had in a very short time, and the knowledge I gained through him he would most certainly be chosen to be my first Master again.

During R's period of controle over me, I met with a few other Doms, in search of a relationship. Not easy considering that I was emotionally attached to R, but I had to try as that was not going anywhere. And so I met MJ. He had been a really good friend already. And we still are. Remember my post about my birthday party, and how MJ came to help me with my garden? MJ helps me lots, just by letting me ramble on and on about anything and everything. It must entertain him, how else can he stand it? Another very close friendship now. And again somebody who I am sure would say I have changed. Although not for the better lately, I know… He did complain, and with reason, about my appearance, and the mess in the house. I cannot ever imagine getting through a lot without MJ, so he is also definitely on my list of Doms I would pick again.

A bit later J came in my life, and once again a great friend now, but the contact is less regular. He has played rough with me, and made me discover the joys of stingy nettles. Something I was so scared of, but now very grateful for. He was very generous with name calling, and in a way it is very funny and also strange that I have gone from cunt/(cheap belgian)whore/fuck toy to hun. But he too has given me tremendous support. Absolutely indescribable he has been, the night I got dumped by my second Master. And for long after that too. Also he was a good balance with other S&M play I had, because he is slightly alternative I would say. So I would certainly not turn J down.

Then I met A. He came for a cup of tea, and and inspection. The inspection was of my house, the books I read, the music I listen to,… I found him very atttractive and powerful. A few emails afterwards but not a lot happened till later on. In February he came and gave me the hardest play. I still wear his scar. Would I have him again? Yes, certainly. That was a lesson I never forgot.

Then there was C, the millionnaire. We talked on the phone for ages, till I finally caved and met him back in May (see my post “Greying Out”). I suppose he was useful at the time. But I am not sure if I would necessarily want him back if I had to do it all over again. It was nice, but it could just as well have been somebody else.

Dr T was somebody I had a big crush on. I met him very briefly once and that made it worse (usually it is the other way round, fantasy turning into reality is usually a disappointment). He was very special, a bit freakish –oh dear, probably not PC to call a fellow BDSM’er like that- but he was there at important times when I needed him (although that was not on purpose and he didn’t know) to sweep me of my feet for a little while. No real play ever happened, but I would still say I pick him again. Because he was so completely different.

Then there are a few Doms that never got any further than Messenger and the phone. I won’t mention them. Apart from one then of course, who became my second Master. I don’t need to write about him, he has already dominated most of my blog so far. Glad to be friends with him now, after a horrible period of mourning over him. And I have to say thanks for that to my current Master. He has made me smile again, given me strenght and tons of self confidence. I wouldn’t be able to speak to F the way I do now, if it wasn’t for him. Would I go for him again? In a way he was the absolute perfect successor of my first Master. R developed me physically, and F did everything he could mentally, showing me the real me, made me discover parts of my character, helped me over a lot of shame and made me think. He was huge in my BDSM growth, and therefore I would have to say yes to him. Timing and distance were wrong. Although afterwards I realise that I was not a good slave for him. Back then I should have been the person I am now to make that happen. And maybe then timing and distance wouldn’t have been issues. As for the change in me since last year, I wonder if he noticed it, and what he’d say about it.

One new Dom came to me during the reign of F. A younger man, who has given me upmost enjoyable play. Yes, I would have him again (more than once!). He did wonders for my self confidence.

After F came many others, desperately trying to get over him. Lots purely online again, some physical encounters. One of them was R. One meeting which resulted in short play, which was wonderful. The perfect Dom for me I would almost say. I get along with him wonderfully well, and also D/s would work very well between us. But instead I fell in love with A, my current Master who had strong influence on me around the same time I met R. Also R I would do over again. He was a very good experience, giving me knowledge that there is more than one Dom compatible with me –seems silly but that was sort of a fear after F, thinking I would never find anybody with whom our needs would be such a close match.

My journey led me to A ultimately. How our D/s relation will develop is still an open question for me, if there will be any S&M is also not clear at this moment. But what I do know is that I can look forward to a beautiful life with him. And although we have been togeher quite a few months now, I can’t wait for us to properly start. To both settle down, live not so far away from each other and start enjoying the discovery of us.