THE ART OF WELLBEING

MJ, I had a look for your belt and need to know if the brown or the black one belongs to you ;)
Thanks everybody, for the lovely horny comments I received, for all the volunteering offered and the very enjoyable conversations that came with alternative suggestions.
And yes, two men in a van, public toilets, a burglar, inappropriate police officers,…. all dripping good!
I also thought of a woman with a strap-on, maybe with two of her girlfriends to pin me down… mmmmmm….. But I am digressing. I will write about another form of relaxation.

This blog has been a long time coming actually. Almost right from the start, my Master has tried to tell me about The Art of Wellbeing”, a bit as if it is a life lesson, most definitely something for me to learn (about). He even told me to devote a post on my blog about it, and so after last weekend –which was a weekend spent with my Master alone, especially aimed at relaxing- here comes…

Relaxing is not my best skill. Sometimes I still blame the fact that I quit smoking (now 4 years, 8 months and 15 days ago) and I have never replaced my cigarette with another form of reposing –which is probably the reason I still long for it so badly.

Maybe it is in my character. As a kid I could never fall asleep, and my mother called me “zenuwpees” (roughly translated it means nervous person) very often.

Perhaps it is hereditary. My father too suffered many ulcers.

Anyway, it is something I have to learn, and that I need help with. I only came to realise it a few years ago funnily enough. Somehow I had the impression of myself that I was calmness in person and that I also had a very relaxing influence on the people around me.

It came out in a meeting I had with my team members, my boss and the client I work for. We were discussing a member of staff in one of the European countries, one of my regular contacts. I was expressing my wish for that person to get chill pills prescribed or otherwise to become a bit more like me… To my surprise everybody dived under the table and only appeared again half hour later, aching with laughter. I honestly really didn’t understand why they thought it was so funny what I said and they kindly pointed out that I am an incredible tight-ass perfectionist, stroppy if things don’t happen my way or quick enough, bossy and demanding, and so on. I was perplex! Because I didn’t believe it, they promised to tell me everytime an example would arise (I wish they’d stop now!!)

And so realisation kicked in. Apart from the sleeping problem it has never bothered me though. Obviously I think of myself as calm, probably because I like quiet activities –reading, writing, computer games, tv, chatting and having a drink with friends, … As long as my mind is occupied and distracted. And that is exactly what the problem is.

Relaxation exercises such as meditation are completely wasted on me. My mind wanders, I get bored, and before two minutes have passed I am already far from and beyond anywere relaxed. However, it is something I would like to start trying again. I happened to meet a new person in my life today. She is a yoga teacher. A remarkable woman, with lots of insight. I could ask her to get me on my way. Or I can ask F to tell me again about the exercise he gave me once to help me fall asleep, and which I unfortunately gave up on too quickly and now forgot how to do it. Or I could ask MJ to give me some hints and tips on relaxation, and some music to help me with it. Or my friend and colleague M can teach me too. I am definitely surrounded by the right people.

So, that for my renewed attempt to do some form of meditation. There are of course other ways to relax. Something that really works for me is touch. There is nothing that calms me like a hug, cuddle, stroking, an embrace. That can lift tons of my shoulder. This is however not as easy to get as it seems. Because of course not all hugs etcetera are good.

Another sure thing to calm me down is water. But water has got two workings on me. It also makes me incredibly horny.

Being horny is of course the very best way to relax. It is also the thing to keep me distracted from worries. And it makes me feel overall incredibly nice. But here I go again… I was going to talk about other ways.

To get on the phone and listen to my Master’s voice also works. This much already that it has become a necessity. Before I go to bed I need to hear him. Very often I lie awake for hours after that, but without having heard him there would be no sleep whatsoever. There is of course that element of security in having that daily contact as well.

And that’s about it. A walk in the park, gym, drink till I fall over is all far too boring.

My Master now, he is an expert at relaxation and enjoying the good things in life. And so now he is teaching me. It will take some time however.

The steamcabine for example. It is indeed a wonderful thing, and I am totally sold on the idea and believe in its workings. Now all I need to do is get over my feeling of claustrofobia, loose a lot of weight so I don’t have to feel completely ashamed when naked and learn to sit still for more than 30 seconds. If he then also agrees to keep talking to me all the time we are in there, I might get a chance at enjoying this wonderful thing.

When we were at the spa last weekend, I already got better at it. Or so I believe. The steam was not so dense, the steamroom walls were completely in glass, there were other people chatting away to which I could listen, and I could move about quite easily. I didn’t have to be naked either. However, it didn’t take away the restlessness and soon wandered around in between steamrooms and showers, talking to some people, pressing buttons that didn’t work, and so on.

Another thing He talks about is holidays. I must admit it sounds like music in my ears, but I am also scared to death when I think of it. I have not had many holidays. Three so far. One with each man I lived with. The relationships ended shortly after all three holidays. And so, if I would find myself on a beautiful beach, waiting for His return from a dive, reading my favourite book, will I enjoy it or instead be worried about what might happen and why. And how badly will I kick myself for not being able to enjoy the moment.

Another thing my Master does to make my life beautiful is being very sweet and kind. But even that I enjoy with a dose of cynisism / pessimism (realism?), knowing or believing that this sort of behaviour never lasts very long. My dear friend T has always told me off for this kind of thinking. She has desperately trying to tell me to be happy in love, seize the day, enjoy the moment, and so on. I do fully agree with her, and I spread her lessons. But practicing it myself is quite something different. Too many men have shown me why I shouldn’t.

Food and wine then. Now there is something I do know! But, as you all know, the weight… :(

Yes, the art of wellbeing. Not an easy one. And from what I understand it means nothing more than being able to enjoy the beauty in life.

But that would mean to stop worrying. And what am I if not worried… Yes, indeed, you guessed it right, horny.

So to my Master, I would like to say: please, to stop me from fidgetting in bed whilst trying to fall asleep, tie me down. If I am on a nervous ramble, put a gag in it. If I am just being annoying and critical, force me on my knees to show me my place. If I am being overly playful and distracting from important work, place me in the corner.

But mostly, keep loving me. Because that is the very best way to be… LOVED. The real art of wellbeing, that is what I learned.