MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES

Slave, sub, brat, domme, frustrated, perverted, normal/vanilla, straight, bi, …? Thank goodness for some well structured and informing personality test available for free on the internet! (yes, that is slight sarcasm)

It is a typical woman’s thing I suppose. I can’t resist a personality test, knowing full well they are totally see-through and very often lack decent scientific foundation. Nevertheless, today I received a link and so…

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=18217996183708158422 In this test you find out wether you are submissive or dominant. Eagerly I started answering the questions, still a little curious the outcome. After all, I may think I am submissive, I may know and feel it, very often I get “accused” (sorry my dear Dom-friends, but I can’t think of a better description) of being bossy and dominant. But not only did the test result show me as a submissive, it goes further and tells me what a slave I am!

The slave You scored 25
Whoa! You spend a lot of time on your knees and pleasing your partner. You make decisions which are clearly for the benefit of maintaining a relationship that lands your parter at the top of the teeter-totter.. awesome, your partner, if they're dominant, is probably very happy!

Now then, surprised after all. After a very long time struggling with the concept of submissive versus slave I finally figured out (or so I thought) the real difference and where I fit in. It was a very simple sentence in a conversation with a new Dom-friend R. He was telling me about some play he had with some subs, and in between he mentioned about one of them being a slave cause she had given up her free will to him. Lights went on! No, definitely I am not a slave. I cannot give up my own will. First of all for the sake of my little girl. But even if it wasn’t for her, would I be able to do it? No, I don’t think so. I am known for my strong character and will. Would I want to give that up? Even though it might only be the image? Am I not really made of mostly image? Strong, indepent, dominant…

Let’s be honest here. Strong? I have got the best friends in the world, who each on their turn or sometimes in a combined effort carry and pull me through the bad stuff. Now I am sitting on a bed of roses. The kindness, logic, good advice and care from my Master makes me slide over and past my current problems and difficulties. But none of the strenght I have ever shown comes from me.

Indepent? Again all outwardly pretences. This is so clear to me, when every night at 10 I get nervous, stomach aches, restless, … I start pestering my poor Master then -who really deserves a break from me by now- and need his attention. I need to hear his voice, or read an email, … I am only happy when I can openly display my dependency. Again I really have to thank my Master, for all his patience with me, his understanding, and his approval of my behaviour in this way.

Dominant then? This always makes me laugh. Oh how easy this one is! Yes, I tried it. There, I admit it. I have once played somebody’s Mistress for about a week or so. But I would like to put the emphasis on “played”. It was during some sort of involvement with a switch, and I wanted to do him a favour (I aim to please after all!!). I was very good at it, so I was told. And the poor guy fell in love with me, after which it all went sour. Cause I hated it. Absolutely, totally hated it. But doing it was not hard. Not that difficult to figure out if you know I have some great examples and a lot of Dom-friends.

But as should be known by know, in my heart all I want is to be dominated, follow and look up to the man I belong to, serve and please, obey and be punished when I fail.

Does all this make me weak and incapable then? Also not true I think. I might not have total strenght, and be very needy for the attention of my Master, I still have some sense. I am aware of my weaknesses, and am able to think of a solution. For example at the time my previous Master dumped me, and I was broken. I knew I had to turn to my friends for help and strenght. Cause I was very well aware of the influence others have on me, and therefore used that to make me stronger at that time. Also I have a very strong optimistic view, and have learned to put things in perspective and masses of sense of humor. So all this makes me quite balanced… I think. (no floods of comments please proving the opposite!)

Back to the test… Slave! It brings a smile to my face, I can’t help it. Just like a little while ago when my previous Master called me slavin again playfully, whilst I was disagreeing with him about the good of rules and regulations. That felt good. What is it with me? I know I am not, and never will be. I accepted this, but somehow still I like the idea a little at times. But why? Sure the word is super sexy, and the concept gets “romanticed” in books or other media. But I am above all that (yes, pun intended). Do I deep down inside really long for giving up my own free will? Or is it because I know this will never happen, that I know I cannot deliver this promise, that fantasising about it is now a option? And fantasising is “safe”, easy to do, and I don’t compromise anything by doing so.

So, no slave for real, but submissive for sure. And loving it! Only two more sleeps until my Master is back. And how I long for being calm at his feet again…