Despite my previous blog, some things never change… I do however take great pride in my cooking, and I make some killer-lasagnas, but very often I get distracted once it’s in the oven. And so today again, nothing different. Chatting, watching pics of stocks and benches,… good enough for me to forget I was cooking.
Last weekend I attended my very first fetish party. And I had the best time ever! For as long as I knew I was going, I had been very nervous about it. Didn’t know what I was going to wear, and convinced that whatever it was I would look terrible in it; afraid nobody would talk to me; nervous about any rules –especially worried I had to wear underwear; afraid I wouldn’t be able to cope with any play;… My usual neverending worrying.
But instead it was as if I finally found a home. It was simply amazing. Never ever have I been with such a bunch of incredibly nice people. The openness, acceptance, non-at-all-judgemental atmosphere, plain friendliness, and social behaviour I have not found anywhere else yet. The total and utter shameless fun I had… indescribable. I never knew I could feel that way, mentally and physically. Hopefully I will be allowed to go again next month. (I’ll try to wear my own dress, so I don’t have to borrow yours, slave).
My blog today will be kept short (!). I am extremely tired. My new Master is wearing me out. Whilst my previous Masters gave me bedtime, this time I have found a true nightowl-buddy. Only, He is a lot better at it than I am. But, this could just well be His tactic haha. I am feeling very docile with this tiredness. Combined with a constant grin on my face and a very warm feeling inside, also very relaxed and therefore horny; this makes me very submissive. I actually didn’t realise I could be made to feel this way in what can be called a nice way. I mean, no harsh words, no direct commands / demands, no complicated tasks… Just naturally unforced submissiveness towards Him. That feels downright good.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Sunday, July 02, 2006
CH-CH-CHANGES
It has been a very long time ago since the last update… and you can guess what that means… So go make a flask of cofffee and grab something to eat… this could take a while.
First of all, welcome to my new-look blog. All thanks to the new man in charge. Yes, you’re reading it right. After long time crying, spending my time wandering (crawling) from man to man –which made me being called an immoral slut by one of them, doubting, feeling generally unhappy, etc… suddenly somebody made me fall for him. Just like that. Amazing, wonderful, incredible! But more about it later… let’s go back a few weeks (I should have updated my blog better!).
Talking, chatting, writing, and meeting lots of Doms. Looking back now I wonder where I got the time from. Keith, Tim, Timothy, James, Jim, JP, Andrew, Andy, another Andrew, Rick, Rob …and I am sure I am missing a few ones. Some had a bit more inpact than others, some more intens conversations, and even a few meetings. A few of them offered me a very interesting life style, and even made me doubt about accepting. But I felt stuck. And I knew only one way out. So I wrote, once again, to Frans. It was a begging email, on hands and knees I pleaded him to speak to me and told him I needed his advice. To my surprise (total shock more like) he actually replied and agreed to talk to me on MSN for an hour. He did give me very good advice. Despite all the bad feelings I might have towards him, I do have to be thankful for that. Firstly he made me see I was not ready for the offer I had, pointed out very simply by using the example of something I wrote in the email, that I was still attached to him. I asked him what I had to do get detached then, and he told me only time and the right people would do this for me. But then he also told me, and this was the best part of the whole conversation, that I should not look for an almost exact copy of him. That would not work. And it is just that, I now realise, is very true. I am so happy that he was kind enough to tell me, cause I did take that piece of advice on board… and what a result indeed!
But the result came later. First I have been very stupid, and allowed myself a little set back. I “cybered” with Frans, he even made me cum (cumming whilst crying your heart out is not fun by the way). I have beaten myself up over it, trust me. But in the end it all contributed and helped me in seeing him for who he really is.
In the mean time, at some stage, I had time to have my birthday party. Now, it has to be said, once again, if it wasn’t for my friends…! The party was at the end of a week during which I wasn’t feeling all that fantastic. One of the Doms I was talking to had called me immoral and without self-respect because I allow myself to have casual sex. And although I didn’t agree, and showed my most opiniated stubborn side to him about this, it still threw me. Of course I try not to show it, but I do get to be made to feel insecure very quickly. And it takes a lot longer to reinstate self confidence again. But my friends pulled through. One of my Dom friends came to do my garden (ok… all subs hands up who can make a Dom do their garden please LOL), my friend Tracy did all the catering, I had help with the decorations,… It was simply truly amazing. The evening itself was a success. So much fun, vanilla and perverts all mixed very well indeed. My slave friend was the best bodyguard a couple of girls could have –Tracy stayed over, but also a stranger which I had invited. And the next day slave tidied up the mess, whilst I got my little one from the childminder. At one stage during the evening I had a quiet moment (oh yes…), looked around the table and felt so grateful. There they were, all coming from far away, to be with me for my birthday. A very warm glow went through me… until somebody (yes, I am looking at you slave!) put icecubes down my dress. Thinking about it; the warm glow might have been the candlewax… haha, yes it was a fun night!
On my birthday itself I got a new blow. I found out how very little my ex-husband (to be) cares about our little girl. Totally heartbroken I was over it. Now several weeks further I have come to terms with it. Actually part of the whole of my-new-Master-story starts here. I had written to him about this, quite distressed. And his reply was extremely intelligent, and very well-written. That was definitely one of the defining clicks in me. I also spoke with one of my directors, G, about this. G is very good at child-psychology and has given me very good advice and helped me to put things in perspective. To all this is a very important aspect; my ex gave me permission to move back to Belgium. This is not for immediate yet, and a lot of work and arrangements will have to be made. But going back home… wow! And now it is not just going home; it also means getting close to my new Master (He lives in the Netherlands).
There is so much I want to write about Him. His intelligence, kindness, warmth, incredible eyes, beautiful smile, and passion that is so visible in all he writes. What fantastic discovery it is going to be when exploring this man. I am already impatient, want to know everything about him, claim him, and indeed also serve him. However that will be. I will try to savour every little moment and try not to be too greedy. I’ll be grateful for every minute spent with him and although yearning for the next, not make it trivialise the current one.
So changes indeed…
To end this blog, I would like to ask everybody to burn a few candles with me during the evenings. A candle for a mother of two little boys, being told she only has 3-6 months to live, and a candle for the little son of one of my colleagues, who suddenly stopped breathing on the playground in school and is now in a coma, whilst his parents have to observe him totally helpless.
First of all, welcome to my new-look blog. All thanks to the new man in charge. Yes, you’re reading it right. After long time crying, spending my time wandering (crawling) from man to man –which made me being called an immoral slut by one of them, doubting, feeling generally unhappy, etc… suddenly somebody made me fall for him. Just like that. Amazing, wonderful, incredible! But more about it later… let’s go back a few weeks (I should have updated my blog better!).
Talking, chatting, writing, and meeting lots of Doms. Looking back now I wonder where I got the time from. Keith, Tim, Timothy, James, Jim, JP, Andrew, Andy, another Andrew, Rick, Rob …and I am sure I am missing a few ones. Some had a bit more inpact than others, some more intens conversations, and even a few meetings. A few of them offered me a very interesting life style, and even made me doubt about accepting. But I felt stuck. And I knew only one way out. So I wrote, once again, to Frans. It was a begging email, on hands and knees I pleaded him to speak to me and told him I needed his advice. To my surprise (total shock more like) he actually replied and agreed to talk to me on MSN for an hour. He did give me very good advice. Despite all the bad feelings I might have towards him, I do have to be thankful for that. Firstly he made me see I was not ready for the offer I had, pointed out very simply by using the example of something I wrote in the email, that I was still attached to him. I asked him what I had to do get detached then, and he told me only time and the right people would do this for me. But then he also told me, and this was the best part of the whole conversation, that I should not look for an almost exact copy of him. That would not work. And it is just that, I now realise, is very true. I am so happy that he was kind enough to tell me, cause I did take that piece of advice on board… and what a result indeed!
But the result came later. First I have been very stupid, and allowed myself a little set back. I “cybered” with Frans, he even made me cum (cumming whilst crying your heart out is not fun by the way). I have beaten myself up over it, trust me. But in the end it all contributed and helped me in seeing him for who he really is.
In the mean time, at some stage, I had time to have my birthday party. Now, it has to be said, once again, if it wasn’t for my friends…! The party was at the end of a week during which I wasn’t feeling all that fantastic. One of the Doms I was talking to had called me immoral and without self-respect because I allow myself to have casual sex. And although I didn’t agree, and showed my most opiniated stubborn side to him about this, it still threw me. Of course I try not to show it, but I do get to be made to feel insecure very quickly. And it takes a lot longer to reinstate self confidence again. But my friends pulled through. One of my Dom friends came to do my garden (ok… all subs hands up who can make a Dom do their garden please LOL), my friend Tracy did all the catering, I had help with the decorations,… It was simply truly amazing. The evening itself was a success. So much fun, vanilla and perverts all mixed very well indeed. My slave friend was the best bodyguard a couple of girls could have –Tracy stayed over, but also a stranger which I had invited. And the next day slave tidied up the mess, whilst I got my little one from the childminder. At one stage during the evening I had a quiet moment (oh yes…), looked around the table and felt so grateful. There they were, all coming from far away, to be with me for my birthday. A very warm glow went through me… until somebody (yes, I am looking at you slave!) put icecubes down my dress. Thinking about it; the warm glow might have been the candlewax… haha, yes it was a fun night!
On my birthday itself I got a new blow. I found out how very little my ex-husband (to be) cares about our little girl. Totally heartbroken I was over it. Now several weeks further I have come to terms with it. Actually part of the whole of my-new-Master-story starts here. I had written to him about this, quite distressed. And his reply was extremely intelligent, and very well-written. That was definitely one of the defining clicks in me. I also spoke with one of my directors, G, about this. G is very good at child-psychology and has given me very good advice and helped me to put things in perspective. To all this is a very important aspect; my ex gave me permission to move back to Belgium. This is not for immediate yet, and a lot of work and arrangements will have to be made. But going back home… wow! And now it is not just going home; it also means getting close to my new Master (He lives in the Netherlands).
There is so much I want to write about Him. His intelligence, kindness, warmth, incredible eyes, beautiful smile, and passion that is so visible in all he writes. What fantastic discovery it is going to be when exploring this man. I am already impatient, want to know everything about him, claim him, and indeed also serve him. However that will be. I will try to savour every little moment and try not to be too greedy. I’ll be grateful for every minute spent with him and although yearning for the next, not make it trivialise the current one.
So changes indeed…
To end this blog, I would like to ask everybody to burn a few candles with me during the evenings. A candle for a mother of two little boys, being told she only has 3-6 months to live, and a candle for the little son of one of my colleagues, who suddenly stopped breathing on the playground in school and is now in a coma, whilst his parents have to observe him totally helpless.
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